Why I'm Proud to be a C- Mom

I'm proud to be a C- mama. I've always been an over-achiever but being a C- mama doesn't bother me now, it did for many years but it's something I've come to terms with. Before you condemn me for this, being a C- mama doesn't mean you're a sub-par or bad mother, in fact being a C- mama puts you in a category all your own.

"C- mama" is a term I use that means being childless from miscarriage, stillbirth, or death. I'm not C- by choice, in fact, if I had a choice I'd be a C+ mama (a mama with children) trying to upgrade to A+ mama (a.k.a Super mama) status. Society doesn't support C- mamas the way they should, in fact, when C- mamas become minus, it's taboo to talk about it publicly.

I've never been one to stay silent about my C- grief. I post regularly on social media and my blogs about the two babies my husband and I have lost before birth. I've had many friends message me silently and thank me for being upfront about my grief and bringing my angel-babies to everyone's notice because they haven't had the emotional strength to make others acknowledge their own angel-babies

I'm glad to be an advocate for these women. Most men, and women who haven't experienced child loss, just cannot comprehend the emotions that go with being a C- mama. For men, and C- dads, it's hard for them because they don't feel the same attachment as any expectant mother does because they aren't carrying that child in their body. For C+ mamas, there's no possible way to really understand the feeling unless you've come close to losing your child, and it's not something I would want you to experience.

It angers me when I'm asked if I have children when I'm with my mom or grandma because they jump in and say no. They don't want me to tell people about my babies because it makes people uncomfortable to be confronted with my C- mama's grief and upfront acknowledgment of the facts of that led to that C- status.

Most people don't know what to say when I tell them matter-of-factly, “Yes, I do have children but they passed away before birth.” How should they respond? I'll tell you from experience, most say they're sorry for my loss and quit talking to me. They don't want details because talking about infant death is a sad taboo, like if they actually talk to me about it that they might somehow catch my C- status. I, for one, am a C- mama that wants to talk about my babies.

I want people to know that I am a mother, and it hurts that I'm not considered one by others including my in-laws and my own parents. I don't blame them, it's easier to just say I don't have children than to go through the “sad” explanations, but it hurts nonetheless because it makes it seem as if my angel-babies are and were insignificant when they are the most significant thing that ever happened to me. They define who I am.

A C- mama isn't any different than C+ mamas. The first thing I think about in the morning is my children, even though they aren't with us. Some days, I may not think so hard on it, and others it hits me hard, like when yet another friend or family member announces they're pregnant or floods my News Feed with pictures of their precious babies. My daughter died over seven and a half years ago at 26 weeks gestation, and our son a little over six and a half years ago at 11 weeks gestation, but they are always in my scarred heart and are never far from my thoughts.

Now, don't pity us C- mamas. There's a lot to be said for being in this category. If I ever do become a C+ mama, being a C- mama for so long will certainly have an effect on the way I parent those children. I've had time to consider things I didn't consider when I was first pregnant. There are a lot of things about parenting that we, as women, just take for granted when we're pregnant, and we don't take the time to question just how we are going to parent our children. Being a C- mama has made me really think about certain aspects of parenting that I never considered when I was pregnant and revise just what my parenting style would be if I do ever become a C+ mama.

So, yes, I'm a proud C- mama but if, or when, I do ever become a C+ mama, I'll have earned that A+ status just from my experience as a C- mama.