Like many of us I scroll through my social media accounts multiple times per day. I do it to keep up with family and friends, I do it to get bonuses from video games that I play on there, I also do it to keep informed on issues that I am passionate about it.
Unlike the C+ mamas, I'm not on there to share the accomplishments of my progeny or post pictures of them doing their "first" this or playing on some sports team. Most days, I don't mind looking at these posts but every once in awhile when I'm having a bad C- day, it upsets me to see that nearly all of my friends are C+. Oh, I don't deny them the pleasures, and frustrations, of raising their children and sharing those things, but to a C- mama, these are reminders of the things she doesn't have.
I even have friends that only have step-children, but they don't really get it either because they still have the privilege of raising those children either full or part time. Oh, some of them understand what it's like to look at those pictures and wish that you were the one posting those pics of your own biological or adopted children. Children that don't exist.
I also see countless comments from C+ mamas who complain of everything from pregnancy to birth and beyond. They don't realize there are many women who see those comments that would give an arm, a leg, and a kidney to have those experiences; and those women wouldn't complain for a moment. I especially get tired of the old "You don't have kids, so you just don't understand."
I've also sat and watched numerous news reports (and sadly updates on social media) where women do horrible things to their children and wondered how those wretched excuse for mothers could be given the precious gift that children are but women like me, who would love those children and care for them unconditionally, can't have them. I've wondered how women who would die to give their children life aren't blessed with children but these abusive momsters (yes, I combined mom and monsters) can have child after child "on accident" without problems.
The C+ mamas don't understand that the C- mamas don't want pity or to be told, "When you have children..." or "You'll have children one day and..." We simply want to have the children that we imagined having when we were little girls playing with our baby dolls.
Wednesday, June 4, 2014
About Me...The C- Mama
Ten years ago I hadn't even met my husband yet. It's amazing how time flies. We married in 2005 after being together a month and a half shy of a year. We had never been happier. Little did we know just how different our life would turn out than we imagined. We talked about having a big family (about 6 kids) of our own biological children as well as adopted children. In short, we thought we'd have what all the other couples we know have. I even, naively, thought I'd be done having children by the time I turned 30.
I'm turning 34 this year and I've been a C- mama for about 7 1/2 years now. I'm not C- by choice. We found out on our first wedding anniversary that our daughter had passed away from an extremely bad heart defect. I was about 26 weeks pregnant then. I think the hardest thing parents can go through is losing their child, a child they never got to know. We'd found out during that time that my husband has a very rare chromosome defect, which gives any child we have a 50/50 chance of inheriting it.
We mourned our little girl, and still do, everyday. I went back to work after 3 weeks because I couldn't stand to be home to wallow in my own emotions. Little did I know, I had other issues besides just the depression of losing our baby. I had a minor, undiagnosed immune system issue that began before I graduated from college but it had somehow gone into remission when I lost 63 pounds. It came back after our daughter's stillbirth.
I struggled for months after her birth with "female" issues but did conceive again in November 2007. We were cautiously optimistic because of before but prayed multiple times per day that this baby would be okay. I found out at 11 weeks that the baby had stopped developing at 7 weeks and I was miscarrying. I developed hypothyroidism after but was always at the high end of the normal range, so no doctor would diagnose me or treat the issues I was having. Thanks to that I put on 110 pounds, have an autoimmune rash from a compromised immune system (thanks to my immune system misfiring and attacking normal tissue including my thyroid), and am likely not to be able to conceive again, though we have far from given up.
I pray daily for a miracle and suffer through the constant, "You're not a mom, so you don't understand" comments that my C+ friends say. I don't think they truly can understand just what it's like to want children and watch countless others have them, even some that seem undeserving, but not be capable of having them yourself. I've also heard from countless doctors, "You're getting close to advanced maternal age, so if you want to have babies, you need to do it now"...guess they don't realize that I would if I could.
Oh, and just to make our lives a little less romantic than we'd imagined before we got married, we pretty much lost everything back in 2009. We'd bought a home and had a newer car, and when the economy crashed, we lost them both. I lost my job first in 2008, then my husband lost his in early 2011. We decided to move 2000 miles across the country to my hometown, and live with my parents until we could get back on our feet financially. We're getting there, we've been living on our own again for nearly a year now, but we still struggle.
There's no way we can afford to adopt or even foster children right now, though we'd like to. I had my thyroid issues diagnosed a couple years ago and am finally on meds (though not near optimal), but I still struggle to lose weight. There's little hope we will conceive naturally, so that's just us...the C- couple, that's me. The C- mama.
I'm turning 34 this year and I've been a C- mama for about 7 1/2 years now. I'm not C- by choice. We found out on our first wedding anniversary that our daughter had passed away from an extremely bad heart defect. I was about 26 weeks pregnant then. I think the hardest thing parents can go through is losing their child, a child they never got to know. We'd found out during that time that my husband has a very rare chromosome defect, which gives any child we have a 50/50 chance of inheriting it.
We mourned our little girl, and still do, everyday. I went back to work after 3 weeks because I couldn't stand to be home to wallow in my own emotions. Little did I know, I had other issues besides just the depression of losing our baby. I had a minor, undiagnosed immune system issue that began before I graduated from college but it had somehow gone into remission when I lost 63 pounds. It came back after our daughter's stillbirth.
I struggled for months after her birth with "female" issues but did conceive again in November 2007. We were cautiously optimistic because of before but prayed multiple times per day that this baby would be okay. I found out at 11 weeks that the baby had stopped developing at 7 weeks and I was miscarrying. I developed hypothyroidism after but was always at the high end of the normal range, so no doctor would diagnose me or treat the issues I was having. Thanks to that I put on 110 pounds, have an autoimmune rash from a compromised immune system (thanks to my immune system misfiring and attacking normal tissue including my thyroid), and am likely not to be able to conceive again, though we have far from given up.
I pray daily for a miracle and suffer through the constant, "You're not a mom, so you don't understand" comments that my C+ friends say. I don't think they truly can understand just what it's like to want children and watch countless others have them, even some that seem undeserving, but not be capable of having them yourself. I've also heard from countless doctors, "You're getting close to advanced maternal age, so if you want to have babies, you need to do it now"...guess they don't realize that I would if I could.
Oh, and just to make our lives a little less romantic than we'd imagined before we got married, we pretty much lost everything back in 2009. We'd bought a home and had a newer car, and when the economy crashed, we lost them both. I lost my job first in 2008, then my husband lost his in early 2011. We decided to move 2000 miles across the country to my hometown, and live with my parents until we could get back on our feet financially. We're getting there, we've been living on our own again for nearly a year now, but we still struggle.
There's no way we can afford to adopt or even foster children right now, though we'd like to. I had my thyroid issues diagnosed a couple years ago and am finally on meds (though not near optimal), but I still struggle to lose weight. There's little hope we will conceive naturally, so that's just us...the C- couple, that's me. The C- mama.
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